...Sometimes you can't help but scream, when you wake up living a dream

A lot of things have happened since the last time I updated this blog. I gained the closest friendship I've ever had, I became a college student, I bought my first laptop, I got my first cell phone, new friends were made, and old friends were married. I was mugged, my laptop and cell phone were stolen, my nose and my cheek were broken, I dropped my college classes, and the closest friendship I've ever had crumbled without warning.

In the world of physics it is said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. This is true in life as well. The idea has been witnessed in my life, for sure. Each exultant moment--every marked improvement--has seemingly been met with setbacks and challenges to my betterment. And in the case of my shattered friendship, heartbreak. Everyone assumes the worst, but no one anticipates it.

I'm at a strange crossroads. It's not like before, when I was directionless. No, this time I had my direction. For the first time in my life I had a path to follow. I was already on my way, and most importantly, I was happy. I had goals and I had someone to care about, and someone who once cared about me. But after having been beaten literally and figuratively, I find myself wondering. Wondering what happened, wondering if it was my fault, wondering if there was anything I could have done to prevent it. And suddenly it all ceases to seem like a path I've been taking and seems instead like a game of chutes and ladders I've been playing.

Two and a half weeks ago I landed on a really big chute, and my faith in the existence of ladders has been called into question. I hope to find one soon.

I don't know how much I'll be able to update. The will to do anything comes and goes randomly. If things go well, I won't bother posting at all. If things get worse, I don't know if I'll even be able to form words. It's a wonder I've gotten this far right now. I want to make stronger friends, I want to travel to see them, and I want to get back on my path. We'll see.~



~Thank you for seven years of friendship, Nicole. Take care of yourself.~