...Someone alone fell asleep by the phone, waiting like a dog for a bone

I've been in a tinkering mood. Every once in a while I get the urge to create. Usually I satisfy myself by taking pictures. Sometimes I write, though it is a rare occurrence these days. Other times I find myself getting crafty. I'll find a cute little project to do with my niece. I think I'll make some Halloween decorations with her soon.

The other day I performed an aperture modification on my Holga. In the next few days, I think I'll be building a speaker setup for my mp3 player. I've elicited a potato chip can for the housing. When I get a little money together to develop some film, I'll modify the Holga for 35mm and run some through.

It's all in an effort to add a bit of substance to the monotony of constantly doing nothing. Every little bit gives me a reason to get up and move around. Every little bit passes a little bit of time, as if some future event in my life--some enlightening moment--is there on the calendar, just waiting for me to catch up. It all plays into this destructive attitude I have that somehow things will come to be without my express intervention. But then, up until now, everything in life has been handed to me. And when all of a sudden I was asked to make something happen, I was understandably lost.

So maybe all of these little side projects are just practice. Maybe I'm just building up my confidence for the more demanding task. Perhaps the contentedness I feel when creating things stems from having accomplished some feat of my own volition. I become enthused with myself. If I can do this, I think to myself, what's to stop me from doing more?

I haven't found that out yet.